If you want a job doing....
As we still hadn't received any guidance from the solicitors and I knew how much the barrister was going to cost per hour, I decided to I need to crack on with pulling together some details to accelerate our meetings with the barrister.
At this stage we still didn't have the transcript from the interview with the girl who was accusing him. So we decided to start with the basics and write out everything we knew. We tried to write out a timeline for the last 40 years. Where had he lived; what dates did he live there; where had he worked; when did he work there; what relationships had he had; what cars he had owned; what dates he owned them; what holidays he had had and where and when he went? You can imagine how hard it would be to remember all the finer details of the last 40 years of your life. This was no different for my husband.
Naturally he got stressed as I kept asking him questions as he was only able to concentrate for a few hours at a time. It was so hard to remember back over such a long period. I knew I couldn't remember back 5 years but I had to keep pushing him to remember back 40 years.
Every night after work, we had dinner and then started again. This went on for weeks. He just kept trying to remember everything he could and often spent hours at work with it thrashing through his mind and therefore to be honest by the time he got home from work, he didn't need me interrogating him again. Some days, he said 'please can we just leave it tonight' but I never let him off for long and I kept pushing him to try to think back.
Through all of this, my husband also had to tell me details of his life, previous marriage and relationships which really were none of my business but he now had to tell me everything, warts and all (not that there were many warts). He didn't mind me knowing but obviously I learnt details of my husband's previous life which I normally wouldn't have known or wouldn't have been interested in knowing. I now don't believe there is anything I don't know of my husbands life. The more he told me, the more the details of these accusations just didn't stack up.
Some times early on a weekend morning, I would start again, only for him to ask for a coffee first. But I never gave up and continued to push him to keep thinking back. He never got angry with me as he could see I was just trying to help him, but obviously by my continued questions, he was never able to get away from it...